November 3rd, 2008

(no subject)



So I have clearly poisoned myself from too much excess and not enough sleep and eating the wrong foods. I am thinking of going to my GP to ask to be referred to a nutritionist as my body seems to be rejecting certain foods and I don't know what these are, other than that I shouldn't really eat dairy (mainly cheese). It's really boring having to watch what I eat. Mostly because I have always had a funny relationship with food anyway, and I try not to think about it these days, despite me going through phases of binging, and then not eating properly for weeks. I need to just not have to think about it so that it's not on my mind and I will just eat properly. In short: I am bored of my body giving me hassle.

On Friday night I joined Saul at his friend's house for a house party. I am really not very good at house parties when I don't know anyone. I am not all that sociable. I mean, I am sociable, but I am quite self-contained and don't make much of an effort to meet new people (that natural awkwardness I have.. what a quality). So at the party I didn't want to be left on my own with people dressed as zombies etc and I got a bit grumpy, and may have called someone a cunt. I can't remember. I drunk two bottles of wine, had too many shots of vodka (another thing that makes my stomach turn into mush), and don't remember the journey home. I wore something ridiculous like 8 inch heels (I was a diseased secretary) and was surprised when I woke up in the morning with functioning feet and ankles.

We were meant to go on the zombie march on Saturday but were too late so missed all the action. We just walked around town dressed like fucked up cheerleaders, then sat in the pub. I felt insanely tired after not sleeping properly on Friday night, so decided to stay in. The rest of the gang went out (Saul went with my friends which was nice) and I drunk a bottle of Tuaca with G, talking about his recently failed relationship and him being unemployed. The Tuaca was free, as were the other twelve bottles of wine we had, due to him robbing the pub.

I spent the morning having insanely good sex with Saul laced with millions of kisses and cuddles. I then spent the afternoon doubled over in pain on the sofa watching Party Monster (ironic) whilst the boys cooked a roast dinner that I could barely eat. I decided to opt for sensory deprivation so drunk a bottle of Pernod, then wine, then went to meet Spencer for all of ten minutes, came home, put myself to bed. Have spent all day in stomach agony before promptly throwing up and still having pains. I am waiting for Tidy to come over so he can cook me dinner as I had to cancel sushi plans due to me being incapacitated.

Do I drink too much?

Last night as we were lying on G's bed watching TV I cocked my head to the side, leaned into his ear and said: I am falling in love with you. He smiled from ear to ear, returned the compliment, kissed me on my nose and I nuzzled into his chest.

It felt positively right and delicious and perfect.